Aspergers

Look beyond the label – part 3

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Anxiety for me is like being angry for someone else. There were times if I wasn’t sure if I was feeling angry or just anxious. What makes me anxious would be losing control of my anger. Before getting diagnosed with AS (Aspergers Syndrome), I became so used to the feeling of being angry, stressed and anxious, it was the norm for me. I became numb to the feelings that I didn’t realise what made me lose control. When I look back now, it was got to do with information overload. Maybe I did feel anxious but I just didn’t notice.

Look at it like this. I like to refer my anger and meltdowns as a volcano. Somebody says something that I didn’t like, I feel agitated, but I let it go like a pinch of salt. This is only raising my anger a small bit. Then something else happens – say if someone pushed or touched off me, that would make me a little bit more angry, considering that I don’t like people touching off me. Over the day or week, the same thing happens over again, by accident of course.

The volcano is at bubbling point at this stage. I don’t say how I’m feeling, not knowing how to express it on my face. Then with a blink of an eye, something triggers my meltdowns. The volcano erupts – and bam I’ve lost control. I insult, shout, cry and then eventually falling asleep over an hour later. This was a constant cycle until I got diagnosed with AS. Then I started to learn, accept, grow and acknowledge that I have AS, and I will have it for the rest of my life. My meltdowns are now controllable and I am well self aware of when I am feeling moody – I like to find my own peace by being by myself. This helps me to control my moodiness and prevents meltdowns

Look beyond the label… Part 2

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If you where to look at me, you wouldn’t think that I have:

  • Aspergers Syndrome
  • Emotional and behaivoural disability
  • Anxiety
  • Mild learning disability

Did you notice how I said “I have” and not “I suffer from”?

I shall not allow my disabilities nor my Aspergers define me as a person. Of course with them all combined theres no doubt more challenges, but thats life at the end of the day!

I like to think of it as a different phone platform. Like IOS and android, they both do the same job, rings, texting and emailing! Basic things now a days if you like smart phones.

But what if you didn’t have a smart phone? What if you had just had a basic phone that just rang and texts? It may not be up there with all the latest smart phones, but it still does what a phone is supposed to do, and thats all that matters.

So, theres two individuals, one who has Aspergers (like myself) and a nerotypical (a person without Aspergers). They both can communicate in interests and other things!!! But sometimes with Aspergers or Autism it can be overwhelming with anxiety. Especially in social situations!!!

Stimming for me is a big stress relieve!!! Stimming can be anything, and you don’t need to be Autistic to do it either!!! In fact, people stim without even realising it!!! Like, your in work maybe in a office and your stressed, playing or fidgeting with pens is stimming believe it or not!!!

The real definition of stimming is of follows:

“The word Stimming refers to self stimulation behaviours usually repetitive movements or sounds”

I like to shake my hand and my foot when I’m either stressed or anxious, and when I’m excited I make these sounds and start pacing up and down in the hall.

I hope to make another one of these another time. In the mean time, I’ll leave you with this quote.

If you met one person with Autism, then you met one person with Autism


Its OK not to be OK

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From time to time we tend to get overwhelmed. I myself got overwhelmed only recently. I knew I was a bit off on that day, I was in my centre. Instead of lashing out, I said to my keyworker that I was ‘going home’. While ‘going home’ I decided to go to Insomia (sorry spell mistake) I decided to treat myself to a cookie hot chocolate and a blueberry muffin.

While sitting alone, my mind was becoming a lot clearer and it was easier for me to think. I was trying to figure out what made me to get overwhelmed. Later figuring out back in the centre, it was my diagnoses of Aspergers. I never understood why I wasn’t diagnosed when I was small. I figured that maybe that the resources back in the late 90’s or the early 00’s would be different.

I also wondered would my life be any different if I was diagnosed? Would I know how to tell the difference between a meltdown and uncontrollable anger? I properly would have known the difference, but at least I would have known how to handled it better if I was diagnosed at the age of 5.

Moral of the day is to never give up on something. Dont give up just because you have a diagnoses of something, because at the end of the day, there is help out there.